Why do i deserve this

Posted On March 29, 2008

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Everyday I try to make things work. I try so hard to be a good person.

And it seems the harder I try to be a good person the more I get stomped on. Out of the love I have for my husband and my children I try to be sweet, and loving and understanding for my mil. I try to let her in and be genuine to her. And she just stomps on all those genuing feelings and gestures of kindness. It breaks my heart sometimes that she cares so little for me.

She goes on and on about always keeping things fair but she has no regards for my feeling and always worries about her first son and his wife and couldn’t give a shit about my husband and me. IT was sad because one night I said to my husband what did i do that your mother doesn’t like me, and he said what did I do that my mother doesn’t even like me. I actually cried when he said that cause I thought it was so heartbreaking that a son should feel his mother doesn’t love him. I even think its true because she speaks with her oldest son on a daily basis calling him everday and only calls my husband when she needs him to work on her deck or roof. She’s always going to her older sons house and helping him and his family out, she used to let his wife borrow money all the time a few years back but the one time she helps my husband pay off the last of his car, she constantly rubs it in our face and when he talks about his car she’ll say you mean my car and even came out and said in front of his aunt too.

She always would make a big deal when she would buy things for my daughter and her other son’s son saying she had to keep everything even, but when I was pregnant she never bought anything for the new baby. But my sil said that when she was pregant she bought a bundle of clothes for her new baby size 12 months when my second child was 12 months and even told my mil that she should have gave it to my second daughter and she even bought her not yet born daughter a doll house and dora kitchen when she hadn’t bought my daughter anything. Im not about buy me this buy me that but don’t make a big deal about keeping things fair so when you get my daughter something you have to do the same for them but don’t have the same regards when you buy them something. I just can’t take anymore of her double standards.

 I remember one instance of when her dil had left her son’s easter basket in my mil living room my daughter went to play with one of the toys that were in the basket. My mil took it from her and said she didn’t want to get her dil mad. But when I left my newborn daughter’s bouncer chair in one of my mil extra rooms somehow it ended up in the living room and my sil said that her son started to play with it and she told him to stop so he would break it, she said my mil said well that’s their fault for leaving thier stuff in the living room. WTF, when my daughter played with the easter basket toy my sil had LEFT HER STUFF in the living room!!!! But of course double standards because she says she doesn’t want to piss my sil off because she doesn’t want to hear her mouth.But because I have enough class and tact to hold my mouth she doesn’t CARE to piss ME off!!!

 I’m tired of it, I can’t deal with it anymore, I’m done with being the better person, i’m done with brushing aside my feelings like they don’t matter to keep things nice for her, and most of all i’m done trying, if my husband doesn’t even have a relationship with HIS mother, WHY SHOULD I?????

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